How can we stay happy even if situations and people go bad in life?
People and situations are not working as we expect. There is always a pain and frustration involved when we have to deal with people or situation. To live and run a life we need to develop a strong mindset that keep us happy and save us from pain and frustration
In this podcast, we will find out how to be happy and keep smiling even if things go wrong in our life. How to systematically trick our minds to stay psychologically sharp and calm when we are in pain?
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How to run a marathon without feeling pain?
Running a marathon requires a lot of stamina and strength. Professional marathon runners work very hard day in and day out. In the first few kilometres, they don’t feel uncomfortable but after some kilometres, the real test begins.
Imagine how someone can finish 42 kilometres of a marathon in just 2 hours?
It was achieved by a famous marathon runner called ‘Eluid Kipchoge’. He tricked his mind with something that we all can do but, don’t do when we are in pain.
What did he do that we all should do?
He was smiling when he was having pain in his legs. Many research shows that smiling can relax you and can help you in improving your performance. Believe it or not, smiling is something to try while running (even when it feels tough). A simple smile will psychologically and possibly physiologically trick your body into relaxing a little more! It sounds good to know that we have to smile when we are in pain.
You heard it before but how exactly we can develop the same mindset?
Now that you know that keeping a smile and being happy helps you in pain, we are going to use it to our advantage. In this podcast, we will find out how to be happy and keep smiling even if things go wrong in our life. How to systematically trick our minds to stay psychologically sharp and calm when we are in pain?
We are going to cover it in three parts.
- Why you should accept what is wrong?
- what can we do when the situation or people frustrate us?
- What small change can you do to be happy?
About 20 years ago, I started reading motivational books.
I liked them. Some of them changed my mindset and made me stronger. But later on, I became addicted to it. I kept reading more books on self-development. After some point, those books on my shelf were not making any impact on me.
So, along with self-development, I was doing shelf development.
I started asking myself what is something wrong with me? Then I came across a wonderful book called ‘t leadership’ by Dusan Djukich. It was a very good book with tons of good lessons. But one of the most important lessons that I learned from that book was to accept that there is something wrong with you.
Previously, many motivational speakers told me to be positive and happy.
I completely agree with it and I became a better person. On the other hand, It’s difficult to change your attitude if you don’t accept the situation exactly as it is. You have to be honest with yourself and accept the situation as it is.
We are far too blind with our ego that we can not accept that there is pain and loss.
You just have to accept it without excuses. We are in love with our emotions but the facts don’t care for our emotions. It’s good to be positive and happy, and things become much better when we accept our faults and mistakes. When you accept, you start forgiving yourself and that’s how we begin to change our mindset. But many times, the situation and people we have to deal with are also causing pain and frustration.
You know we all have those kinds of people.
We tried to change them but they don’t change when we want to change. They will change when they want to change. So, what can we do when the situation or people frustrate us?
George Clooney is one of the most famous Hollywood actors.
Just like almost every single actor, he too struggled to get a role in a movie. He was moving from one producer to another producer. He appeared in as many auditions as possible. He became poor and he had to sleep on a couch at someone’s house.
He faced failures at auditions and he became frustrated.
He was blaming the producers, directors, casting crew and even the entire Hollywood industry. He got angry with everyone. He started disliking the people.
And something interesting he realised on his way to another audition.
He used to believe that it was the job of a producer to give him a role and do a favour to him. Instead, he noticed that the producers have to evaluate hundreds of people just like him. It was not only equally painful for producers but also was draining their mental as well as physical energy.
The producers were also looking for the best actor that is fit for the role.
George realised that the producers did not want to pass through the frustration. So instead of getting angry at producers, he created empathy for the producers. He started looking from the eyes of the producers.
He changed the way he was thinking.
Instead of thinking, “How can I get the role?”, he started thinking, “How can I help the producers to choose me?” Instead of blaming them, he started thinking that he needs to help the producers to solve their problems.
As a result, his entire attitude changed dramatically.
His body language became positive. He became more polite and humble. His tone got changed. He found that he was not the only one who was going through the pain but every single person he met was going through some pain and frustration. He then started getting roles in Hollywood movies one after another.
When we are too focused on ourselves, we can’t connect emotionally with others.
Then we see others as problems and get frustrated. When you feel others’ pain, your language, tone and body language change. You become more sensitive towards others. You start caring for them and do whatever you can to serve them.
When you stop focusing on yourself and start focusing on serving and helping others, you become happy.
Instead of the situation or people being a help to you, start focusing on how you can be of any help to the situation or people. When your mind is focused on service, you don’t feel tired or frustrated. You enjoy helping others. So, to be happy and positive, we have to accept that everyone around us is going through some sort of pain and frustration. That takes us to the third thing that we have to do. Let’s cover it.
The reason for me being happy is because my wife ‘Dhruvi’ has taught me how to be happy.
Well, this is something that I never realised until she came into my life. Just like you and everyone, I also have to deal with problems and frustrations in life. The same with my wife ‘Dhruvi’ but she doesn’t react so badly like us for a long time. She gets angry but it’s almost always temporary. It amazed me in the first few years. Then I asked if she ever gets frustrated with situations or people.
Her reply was life-changing for me.
She said, “I decide to be happy.” Yes, then she said, “I don’t decide to be sad and frustrated. I choose to be happy!” And that’s it. I liked that idea. My wife taught me a wonderful lesson for the life.
We have to choose how we want to react to any situation and people before we really react.
I am not saying that it will magically change the way you react but at least it will increase the probability of reacting positively and happily. Ultimately, you have to decide to be happy and positive.
It’s just a choice.
You don’t necessarily have to read a motivational quote to be happy. The more you decide the way you want to react, you will cultivate the habit of reacting in a better way than before. As we discussed earlier in this podcast, start reacting with a smile because it reduces psychological and physical pain.
Sometimes, you make mistakes and admit those mistakes.
Accept that you can go wrong and admit that there is something wrong. Then we talked about how seeing things from others’ perspectives can make us more humble and empathetic. Instead of thinking about how the situation or people can help you, think of how you can be helpful in any situation or to anyone. Lastly, it’s your choice how you want to react. Like my wife ‘Dhruvi’ can you choose to be happy and react to situations or people not with frustration or pain but with happiness and smile?
Read next: There is a way to grow slowly and still exponentially.
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