Why We Get Disturbed By Others And What To Do About It?
It seems natural to get irritated when people don’t do things as we want, even if we tell them exactly what and how to do things.
However, you try harder to change them but they don’t. In this podcast, we will find out Why do we get disturbed by others and what can we do about it? we will find out how to deal with the people who upset us and lose our minds.
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Imagine you are leaving your house in your car for work in the morning.
You are on time but the drivers ahead of your car are driving slowly. There are driving too slowly and that irritates you. The traffic clears after 10 minutes and now you can drive freely but someone is getting ahead of you in your lane and you go mad again.
Things don’t stop here.
You reach your office and you see that your colleagues haven’t completed the work from the previous day. They don’t understand the matter of urgency. They don’t care about the quality of the work.
You get more upset.
Your family members don’t keep things in the right place. Your children are making a mess and you are boiling up. You get annoyed. There are hundreds of people that disturb us daily. Why do we get disturbed by others and what can we do about it? In this short podcast, we will find out how to deal with the people who upset us and we lose our mind.
I and my daughter Aarna have mentoring sessions regularly.
I started mentoring about 3-4 years ago. We were talking about why we should keep our things in the right place. So that we can find when we need them at the right time. I showed her how to organise things.
But she didn’t follow the instructions.
She used to lose things. She was struggling to find her things and getting angry. When I remind her to keep the right things at the right place, she gets even angrier. And she didn’t change her habit. I got really upset with it.
I kept pushing her to be organised.
No matter how hard I try to convince her to keep her books, clothes and toys in the right place, she wasn’t following. After few months of the suffering of finding the lost things, she finally realised the importance of keeping the right things at the right place. She finally learned the importance of keeping things organised. I tried a lot of times but I could not change. Why? Because people change when they want to change, not when you want them to change.
If I ask you a question, What do you see when you look in the mirror?
Silly question, isn’t it? Obviously, you will see yourself in the mirror. We see our reflection in it, not someone else’s. And we want to see others exactly as we are. That’s where the problems start rising. Other people are not just like us. They are different. We believe that others should be like us. And they are different.
This is the reason why we get annoyed at others.
They are not as good as we are. They are not as responsible or disciplined just like us. We might be good at keeping promises but others are not. They are not as good at work as we are. They don’t follow instructions exactly the way we follow. They are not you and we expect people to be like us.
We have different experiences.
Hence, we have different understandings and perceptions. People will always have different beliefs and values. They grew up and live in a different environment. They are not surrounded by the people like we are surrounded by.
They can never be like us.
Why? Because you can imagine how uninteresting it would be if everyone is just like us. We all think and behave in the same way. Would you like it? The differences among us also make the world interesting.
So, what’s the solution?
Well, about 15 years ago, one of my colleagues at a workplace was always late to the work for 30 minutes. My boss asked him to come on time but he didn’t change. So, the boss changed the timing 30 minutes earlier. For example, instead of reporting at 9 in the morning, he was asked to report at 8:30 in the morning. As usual, he is late by 30 minutes, so that he would turn up at 9.
There can be any solution.
We can change the strategies. We can even change ourselves. The best thing to not getting frustrated because people don’t change is to just stop expecting people to change. We get disturbed because we want people to change. We are also seen different from the eyes of many.
People who are better than us might be disturbed by the way we do things. So, Accept that people are coming from different places and environments. They will be different from us so don’t try to change.
Read next: why is it good if you have someone who challenges you? How to encourage disagreement in the organisation as well as how to disagree without making others feel bad?
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